I was sitting at home two weeks ago feeling terrible. That “I’m about to cry every few minutes, nobody talk to me” terrible. It was just an off day. A low day. I haven’t had many low days in my recent adult life, but I sure do remember that feeling from when I was younger.
Everything was on my mind and I felt this crazy tug of war in my head. To move or not to move has been the biggest one. But mostly, just this intense nudge. Something in me just going, CHANGE. It’s time to change.
It happened to be another gloomy day in Portland so I know this wasn’t helping me, but after a good, long cry, I waited for Tyson to come home and I said, let’s get out of town. I just needed some sunshine and different scenery to clear my head. Something no one really talks about when it comes to working from home is that as much as it is so great in so many ways, it can also feel super isolating.
Anyway, we booked our ticket to Southern California that night and happened to find an awesome rental right on the beach. We decided we would split the time between the beach and then going to stay with his Aunt and Uncle in Temecula after that. Truly, exactly what I think I needed. What we all needed.
I still don’t have things figured out. I’m still not sure what this nudge for change is truly telling me (geographical, business, travel… etc), but I’m just doing my best to lean in. I’m trying not force things. I’m also trying to expand any limited thinking, which is why we have been looking to buy a house both in Southern California and Oregon. It’s actually not as unattainable as I thought… you just might not be in the best of best location or you might have to settle with a smaller place.
It might not even be moving that solves this. I think sometimes what is hard for me is that there are so many things I want to do in life. I can see myself being so many places, doing so many different things. It’s almost like I just don’t want to waste time. The true battle I have is being preset vs. my head in the clouds.
Although I haven’t magically figured out what the answer is while we’ve been down here, it has been so great to just have some fun. I have been trying to not put too much thought into things and simply enjoy some family time and working a bit less while I’m here. I know it will all make sense soon and in the meantime, I’m doing my absolute best to just keep positive and acknowledge all the things going right.
No matter where you are or what you are doing, it really is just your outlook on it.
xx
